Tag Archives: adulthoodriteofpassage

Relating PTSD, homelessness and debt to lessons not learned in youth: do we need studies?

What we need our children to prove, for recognition of adulthood, is not their prowess in battle or the hunt, not their virility, not their adeptness at social maneuvering, but their ability to contribute meaningfully to society by teaching another person, from level 0, how to do something that is both difficult and absolutely neccessary in our society today. By requiring our pre-adults to teach some other person a needed life skill, over the course of at least a year, that pre-adult shows persistence, perseverence, discernment, and of course, the skill in question.

Thus we provide an esteem building excercise and respect building accomplishment which we then reward with full adult status, whatever the age of the pre-adult in question. This obviously assumes that the person has had opportunity to prove his or her good judgement in other ways as well, prior to seeking adulthood recognition. This might help as one step of a series of steps implemented by and through local communities which could lead to more long-term thinking in society at large, given a critical mass and good faith in the ability of humankind to rise above our instincts, and learn to cooperate.  Certain pre-requisites should apply: knowledge of emotional, financial and physical self-defense.

Tying into emotional challenges like PTSD, pre-adults must learn how to communicate non-violently, manage their own emotions and prevent emotional manipulation, which eases the recognition and treatment of difficult past traumatic disorders.   Homelessness and debt both relate to issues of financial self-defense, by which I mean the ability not only to balance a check book and write up a home budget, but also to avoid falling victim to scams of all sorts, as well as the ability to plan for long-range problems like job-loss, or illness, etc.
Hence the post I mentioned developing the idea of an Adulthood Rite of Passage:

First elaborated here: https://network23.org/communitycoop/2014/04/17/pre-adulthood-adults-and-rites-of-passage/ with an annoyingly trivializing comment, and then here:

http://adulthoodchallenge.dreamwidth.org/318.html , with more extensive conversations.

Then the prerequisites which are essentially being able to defend oneself physically, financially, and emotionally:

http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/6177.html but more cleanly written (w/ref. to V. Frankl, also) here: https://network23.org/communitycoop/2014/06/27/am-i-an-adult-part-1-definition/

(A useful side effect of this idea is that it would effectively increase the number of available tutors, and also lead to every adult in our society coming away with an understanding of the challenges involved in teaching anyone anything non-trivial.)

Read, Write, Dream, Teach !
ShiraDest
May 7th, 12017 HE

Understanding the need to repeat and frame Values

(reblogged from post “Understanding Trump” by George Lakoff ):

“Effective respectful policing is a public resource.”

Peace Officers, as DancingPalmTrees put it, are an integral part of our freedoms.

Further, he says: “Give a positive truthful framing to undermine claims to the contrary. Use the facts to support positively-framed truth. Use repetition.

Second, start with values, not policies and facts and numbers. Say what you believe, but haven’t been saying. For example, progressive thought is built on empathy, on citizens caring about other citizens and working through our government to provide public resources for all, both businesses and individuals. Use history. That’s how America started. The public resources used by businesses were not only roads and bridges, but public education, a national bank, a patent office, courts for business cases, interstate commerce support, and of course the criminal justice system. From the beginning, the Private Depended on Public Resources, both private lives and private enterprise.

Over time those resources have included sewers, water and electricity, research universities and research support: computer science (via the NSF), the internet (ARPA), pharmaceuticals and modern medicine (the NIH), satellite communication (NASA and NOA), and GPS systems and cell phones (the Defense Department). Private enterprise and private life utterly depend on public resources. Have you ever said this? Elizabeth Warren has. Almost no other public figures. And stop defending “the government.” Talk about the public, the people, Americans, the American people, public servants, and good government. And take back freedom. Public resources provide for freedom in private enterprise and private life.”

Now, please go read, digest, and share his original post…

Peace, Shira  6 August, 12016 HE  (the Universal Holocene Calendar)

George Lakoff

Understanding Trump

By George Lakoff

There is a lot being written and spoken about Trump by intelligent and articulate commentators whose insights I respect. But as a longtime researcher in cognitive science and linguistics, I bring a perspective from these sciences to an understanding of the Trump phenomenon. This perspective is hardly unknown. More than half a million people have read my books, and Google Scholar reports that scholars writing in scholarly journals have cited my works well over 100,000 times.

Yet you will probably not read what I have to say in the NY Times, nor hear it from your favorite political commentators. You will also not hear it from Democratic candidates or party strategists. There are reasons, and we will discuss them later I this piece. I am writing it because I think it is right and it is needed, even though it comes from the cognitive and…

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Review of Loup, by Nicolas Vanier

LoupLoup by Nicolas Vanier
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

(la traduction français est on bas…)

This was a very interesting and well-written coming-of-age story. (I’d like to see the 2009 film version.) Vanier manages early on to build reader sympathy for a predator which he show as such, in detail. He also surprised me by showing the shame of a man being willingly taken advantage of sexually by a woman (something I will grudgingly admit to never having believed possible). Never mincing his words, you feel the harshness of both worlds, human and wolf, while also feeling (for me, at least) connected to both. An excellent job emotionally and also from an ecology standpoint.

Cette histoire de devenir adulte faisait plaisir à lire. (J’aimerais voir le film de 2009.) Vanier a réussi très tôt de faire sentir de l’empathie pour un prédateur qu’il montre tel comme il est, et avec des détails. Il m’a réussi d’étonner, aussi, côte émotionnelle chez les hommes, en montrant qu’il est bien possible qu’an homme aussi peut se sentir abusé sexuellement par un femme, même après avoir faite l’amour volontairement. Jamais trop douce, on sent la dureté des deux mondes, humain tant que lupin, en sentant aussi (pour moi, au moins) connecté avec tous les deux. Du bon boulot émotionnelle et aussi d’un point de vue écolo.
(Si vous avez, les Amies, des corrections pour mon français, j’accepte volontiers…)

In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest

21 November, 12015 HE

View all my reviews

revista (review): Las Puertas del Mal por (by) Núria Masot

Las Puertas del MalLas Puertas del Mal by Núria Masot
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Intelligent (but possibly codependent) women able to face danger, oddly dressed polyglotts who inspire fear but actually protect, PTSD shown, not told, wounded veterans reminding each other who they were and remain over the years, the seeds of hatred and the power of loyalty, even between different communities. Those are the good things this fourth book offers. What annoyed me was the move toward semi-mystical solutions, rather than logic, in this book versus the first two books. Still, excellent inter-generational work that, like Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and the entire Harry Potter series, inspires hope in community.

17 August, 12015 HE (Holocene Era)

Mujeres inteligentes (tal vez codependientes) capaces de enfrentar el peligro, políglotas vestidos poco normales quienes inspiran el miedo pero protegan a los demas, Trastorno por estrés postraumático mostrado, veteranos heridos sosteniendoles tras los tiempos, las semillas del odio y el poder de la lealtad aun tanto entre la gente como entre las comunidades diferentes. Eso son las cosas buenas que ofrece este libro, cuatro de cinco en el serie, Lo que me fastidio era el cambio ver el mysticismo, mientras el logico era el base de los primeros dos libros. Sin embargo, este libro queda exclente como trabajo multi-generacional que, como a Harry Potter, inspira la esperanza en la comunidad.

17 del agosto, 12 015 EH (Era Holoceno)
Shira Destinie

View all my reviews

How applying creative logic to old reflexes can prevent new mistakes

Linked to solutions for the questions raised in an earlier post on Solving Childhood Abuse Problems via Sharing a Story, I think that understanding present-day problems in light of childhood abuse  needs to be accompanied by a strict sense of what specific problems were caused by on-going feelings (shame, self-doubt, self-hatred, etc) and how those feelings, from childhood events, lead us to make poor choices now.

I suddenly understand what my principal tried to tell me when I started teaching math 
-she criticized me, saying that power is not bad, since I could not control my students.  I
 had difficulty with this, and ended up being fired since I'd lost control of 3 of my 5 classes. 
 Now I understand -I hate imposing my will on others because I had no choice as a child, and I 
cannot stand to be like 'that.'  Too bad I did not understand this in 2001.

Je viens de comprendre, tout d'un coup, ce qu'a voulu dire ma chef quand j'avais commencé 
comme prof de maths -elle m'avait rapproché en disant que le pouvoir n’était pas mal, 
parce que je n’arrivè pas a contrôler mes élèves.   J'avais du mal à l’écouter, et 
j'avais fini par être renvoyée car j'avais perdu controlle de 3 des mes 5 classes.  
Maintenant je comprends -j'ai l'horreur d'imposer ma volonté aux autres parce que 
je n'avais pas le chois quand j’étais petite, et je ne veux pas être comme ça.  
Dommage que je ne pouvais pas comprendre in 2001.

(response:)
Little by little, you will find these old reflexes, analyse tehm, and put them in the right 
place so that they no longer keep you from moving forward.

-----------------------------
 Petit à petit, tu vas trouver tous ces (mauvais) anciens réflexes, les analyser et surtout 
les ramener à leur juste valeur et ils ne t'empêcheront plus d'avancer dans la vie. 


--

Tools every adult needs to have or develop…
25.6.12015 HE

Why Share Your Story?

For similar reasons to why ALL should write a book

Protect Others via:

Protect Others: Tell Your Story (Please Help Break the Silence-Shame-Intimidation-Exploitation CYCLE …)

How can telling your story, as one friend told me, protect others?  I suppose that as one progresses, and learns

how to overcome, those lessons learned along the way can help prevent that same harm from befalling other

vulnerable people.  But how?

1.
Well, if the first childhood memory is one of sad anger, of loss, the green Caddy driving to NYC may impede, for a

lifetime, that love of large cars and of the Big Apple that so many Americans seem to boast.  If that memory is

tied to a borough where the kids rejected you, and your next memory was of being locked in a room, at 4 years of

age, hearing your mothers screams as furniture fell and things broke in the living room, as her boyfriend beat

her, how do you use this to protect others?

By coming up with a plan for teaching children to protect themselves from silence, from shame, intimidation and

from exploitation, via:

A New Adult Rite of Passage:  http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/6177.html

2.
If one was sexually abused at 6, and told not to tell, how do we protect children from parents who can protect

neither their children nor themselves?          -Teach kids that Silence = Death, because silence can lead to

suicide, after a few years.

3.
If one took refuge from bullies by running and retreating, how to undo that shame?  -Teach kids that we ALL have a

right to our personal boundaries, to equal bodily respect, and to equal human dignity.

4.
If one was refused self-defense because “young ladies don’t fight” but they can come home in bruises that will be

ignored, how does one learn to stand up to intimidation?  -Teach kids that if you stand up, you might or might not

be hurt today, but if you cower you WILL agonise for years to come.

5.
If one was physically and sexually abused as a teenager, with all the blame heaped on a 15 year old, how to learn

not to exploit nor be exploited?  -Gandhi and Frankl cite adult choice and power: UpHold your Values and Create.

6.  Only then is one ready to be An Adult: http://adulthoodchallenge.dreamwidth.org/318.html

(This is the real answer to Millie’s question:
https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/7591180-answer-to-millie-s-question-on-education)

((and a summary of the Adulthood thread: http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/tag/adultriteofpassage))

ShiraDest,
April, 12015 HE (Holocene/Human Era)

(original post at: http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/12873.html earlier today….)