Tag Archives: childabuse

Review of Invisible Children: A must read for all American Citizens of voting age

Invisible ChildrenInvisible Children by Mike Tikkanen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Check it out at a library, via Worldcat:
https://www.worldcat.org/title/invisi…

First, “States will also discover that investing in children pays big dividends for better schools, safer streets, and happier communities.”

This is the real problem:
“Because so many of us accept snippets of TV coverage of complex stories as the story, we are unable to understand and evaluate what needs to be done to solve the problem that caused it. We don’t take the time to investigate, and it’s easier to assign blame than to solve complex problems.”

Actionable take-home message:
1. “Draw attention to the importance of adequate mental health services for abused and neglected children in your community.”

2. “It is only learned coping skills and behavior modification that will keep children out of the Criminal Justice System, not medications without therapy.”

and
3. “Let your political leaders know you expect them to provide mental health services in your schools and for abused and neglected children.”

Note: “we would rather build prisons than libraries or playgrounds” yet “countries with the lowest rates of poverty and illiteracy have the lowest crime rates.”

KARA founder presents evidence of what has always been obvious to abused kids:
“Our standards for success in dealing with abused and neglected children are too low. Small achievements seem to warrant a stamp of success. Too soon the state decides: that’s enough of the state’s resources for that one. ”
but
“Pre-school programs are affordable, well run, and common throughout the rest of the industrialized world. Only the U.S. makes early childhood learning and day care unaffordable to poor people.”

Result(s):
“UNICEF found that the teen pregnancy rate in America is twice that of the industrialized nations.”

Children need far stronger community protections, partly because:
“unless a parent kills them, a care-giving perpetrator is not likely to suffer any consequences”
yet:

“If you look, you will see that children are protected, cared for, and educated better in the rest of the industrialized world. … Our systems are not functioning to solve these problems. Many of our institutional policies exacerbate the problems. A lack of resources leads to poorly trained providers and inadequate services. To ignore the inter-relatedness of the issues is to guarantee continued failure”
and on race, see: “Minnesota Spokesman Recorder, “Special Ed: The New Segregation,” Rosi Tavf, February 12, 2004).” and “a convict in China makes about twelve cents an hour compared to eleven cents an hour paid to a Minnesota convict. About 50 percent of the prison population is African-American, while African-Americans make up under 13 percent of the general population.”

and on poverty: “Americans have agreed (by voting) that incarcerating vast numbers of poverty stricken uneducated people, mostly for non-violent offenses, is a better alternative than anything else we can think of.”

Let’s think of better.
This is a book that all citizens, particularly of the USA, need to read. Then, do your part to support early and continuous learning for All, please.

In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest
4th of December, 12015 HE

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Writing a novella feels like playing Frida Kahlo, frighteningly enough…

Now I know why I avoid writing. And Frida’s story.
People came up to me after every production of that play to tell me how amazed they were, how I looked like the splitting image of Frida, and was I Mexican or Mestisa. Well, yes, as an African American of light skin with Cherokee blood, yes, I am technically a mestisa. And the splitting was happening in my own head (maybe more afa my roommates were concerned).
It’s not just to be more practical, find paying work, mend the shirts and weave a few more belts to give as birthday and holiday gifts. Those are all ‘legitimate’ reasons to avoid my writing, but I know deep down why I avoid it. Just as much as why I am compelled to write, anyway. On chapter 9 of my 50k word story, I feel the same pain, but emotionally mostly, that I felt when I played Fridah Kahlo in a community theatre for a few months. And I didn’t even have a speaking part. I just danced with furniture and la-la-lahed a bit. Nevertheless, by the end of the 6 week run, I was having back aches and depressions that made my roommates ask if acting was not a bad idea, and whether I had multiple personality disorder (sorry, now they call it Dissociative Disorder, which actually is more acurate…). And I had to ask if they were right.
Writing this damneable novella makes me feel like I am right back there, stomach cramps and all, and it is liberating yet terrifying at the same time. Can I now face what I was not strong enough to face then, and do it in a way that is not too terrible for others to read, even others who have not lived through such things? Can I write a book that other folks will actually want to read, yet taht will move them so that they can understand the perspective of someone who grew up in various types of pain, and more importantly, so that they will be moved to want to learn more about how to help all of our society, by learning how to help all of us work through our individual and collective pain and help each human being reach his or her full creative potential? Can I overcome my own fear to even get to a place to really really want to do that, and then, can I do it?
Thanks for reading this, and even more thanks my friends, if you can add your pebble to building the new edifice that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr spoke of, when he said that the structure that produces poverty needs to be rebuilt.
Here’s to rebuilding, pebble by pebble,
let our mourning not be in vain,
Peace,
Shira
16.11.12015 HE

What YOU can do to protect children and help Save the World (in about 30-45 years…)

Minnesota’s Gaps & Mitch Pearlstein’s Room Full Of Elephants - children down hill having funKARA ‘s “Call to Action
Look for reports or studies on how much your community spends on early childhood programs. Gain an understanding of the economic arguments for educating and saving children. Watch for budget cuts and let your representatives know that saving money by cutting early childhood programs is a false savings as well as unethical legislative stewardship. Educate the people in your immediate circle of influence about the value of early childhood programs.”

Founder Mike Tikkannen’s book Invisible Children (The American cycle of abuse and its cost)

Please buy or download it (free or make a donation), read it, review it and Share It.

ShiraDest
7 November, 12015 HE

review of Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence by Judith Lewis Herman

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political TerrorTrauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence–From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book, for me, was a horrible read. Horribly accurate. Yet hopeful as well.

Horrible to see that I am not so different after all -I see myself in every comment she makes on adults who survived long-term trauma as children.
Horrible to see that my experience is not so different.
Yet hopeful to see that there are ways of solving the problem, living ‘normally’ -just that ignoring it is not one of those ways.
Most irritating.
Especially after burn-out has twice stopped me from working enough to distract myself from my distracting memories.

She mentions The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma in her 2015 epilogue, and that book seems to recommend both movement and writing -both of which helped me until I had to get back to sitting in a chair looking for a job all day long.

I seem to be stuck in Stage 2, and worst of all, I read over and over again that either in writing or in talking therapy, I must now stop “living in my head” and move back into my body. I have always found it easier to forget to eat then to bother about my body. Work has always been a useful form of escape, until now. Ok, not so much -once I get to about the intermediate level of just about anything, it seems no longer to hold my interest, and I find myself assaulted by unwanted memories that refuse to go back into their Blankety-Blank-Blank!!! boxes.
Irritatingly enough, this is the first place I have seen such a thing predicted.
She even has the gall to predict and counter my ‘unique’ perspective on my right to choose when to die, and how. Apparently this too is normal for folks like me. Huh. So much for being misunderstood. I guess she has us pegged, finally, Thank the non-existent God!! Finally someone actually documents what we go through, and tells us it is a normal response to a hideous start in life. Ok, now, on to how to fix the problem: start with saftey (years of martial arts did help some), get a good therapist, talk, write, and move your body. And remember that faking functionality will not work forever.

Peace,
Shira
27.10.12015 HE

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Review/Revu: Purgatoire des innocents, Karine Giebel

Purgatoire des innocentsPurgatoire des innocents by Karine Giébel
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

(English after French…)

Honte d’avoir survécu, haine contre soi même de n’avoir pas su se protéger, envie abandonner. Effrayant, vachement important à lire.

Guilt for surviving, self-hated for being unable to protect yourself, just wanting to give up. Gut-wrenching, horrifically important to read.

Shira HoloceneHuman Era Destinie
2 Septembre, 12015 èH (HE: Universal Holocene Calendar)

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How applying creative logic to old reflexes can prevent new mistakes

Linked to solutions for the questions raised in an earlier post on Solving Childhood Abuse Problems via Sharing a Story, I think that understanding present-day problems in light of childhood abuse  needs to be accompanied by a strict sense of what specific problems were caused by on-going feelings (shame, self-doubt, self-hatred, etc) and how those feelings, from childhood events, lead us to make poor choices now.

I suddenly understand what my principal tried to tell me when I started teaching math 
-she criticized me, saying that power is not bad, since I could not control my students.  I
 had difficulty with this, and ended up being fired since I'd lost control of 3 of my 5 classes. 
 Now I understand -I hate imposing my will on others because I had no choice as a child, and I 
cannot stand to be like 'that.'  Too bad I did not understand this in 2001.

Je viens de comprendre, tout d'un coup, ce qu'a voulu dire ma chef quand j'avais commencé 
comme prof de maths -elle m'avait rapproché en disant que le pouvoir n’était pas mal, 
parce que je n’arrivè pas a contrôler mes élèves.   J'avais du mal à l’écouter, et 
j'avais fini par être renvoyée car j'avais perdu controlle de 3 des mes 5 classes.  
Maintenant je comprends -j'ai l'horreur d'imposer ma volonté aux autres parce que 
je n'avais pas le chois quand j’étais petite, et je ne veux pas être comme ça.  
Dommage que je ne pouvais pas comprendre in 2001.

(response:)
Little by little, you will find these old reflexes, analyse tehm, and put them in the right 
place so that they no longer keep you from moving forward.

-----------------------------
 Petit à petit, tu vas trouver tous ces (mauvais) anciens réflexes, les analyser et surtout 
les ramener à leur juste valeur et ils ne t'empêcheront plus d'avancer dans la vie. 


--

Tools every adult needs to have or develop…
25.6.12015 HE

Why Share Your Story?

For similar reasons to why ALL should write a book

Protect Others via:

Protect Others: Tell Your Story (Please Help Break the Silence-Shame-Intimidation-Exploitation CYCLE …)

How can telling your story, as one friend told me, protect others?  I suppose that as one progresses, and learns

how to overcome, those lessons learned along the way can help prevent that same harm from befalling other

vulnerable people.  But how?

1.
Well, if the first childhood memory is one of sad anger, of loss, the green Caddy driving to NYC may impede, for a

lifetime, that love of large cars and of the Big Apple that so many Americans seem to boast.  If that memory is

tied to a borough where the kids rejected you, and your next memory was of being locked in a room, at 4 years of

age, hearing your mothers screams as furniture fell and things broke in the living room, as her boyfriend beat

her, how do you use this to protect others?

By coming up with a plan for teaching children to protect themselves from silence, from shame, intimidation and

from exploitation, via:

A New Adult Rite of Passage:  http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/6177.html

2.
If one was sexually abused at 6, and told not to tell, how do we protect children from parents who can protect

neither their children nor themselves?          -Teach kids that Silence = Death, because silence can lead to

suicide, after a few years.

3.
If one took refuge from bullies by running and retreating, how to undo that shame?  -Teach kids that we ALL have a

right to our personal boundaries, to equal bodily respect, and to equal human dignity.

4.
If one was refused self-defense because “young ladies don’t fight” but they can come home in bruises that will be

ignored, how does one learn to stand up to intimidation?  -Teach kids that if you stand up, you might or might not

be hurt today, but if you cower you WILL agonise for years to come.

5.
If one was physically and sexually abused as a teenager, with all the blame heaped on a 15 year old, how to learn

not to exploit nor be exploited?  -Gandhi and Frankl cite adult choice and power: UpHold your Values and Create.

6.  Only then is one ready to be An Adult: http://adulthoodchallenge.dreamwidth.org/318.html

(This is the real answer to Millie’s question:
https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/7591180-answer-to-millie-s-question-on-education)

((and a summary of the Adulthood thread: http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/tag/adultriteofpassage))

ShiraDest,
April, 12015 HE (Holocene/Human Era)

(original post at: http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/12873.html earlier today….)