Beta Reader Feedback on Do Better: Ch.6 is Gone…

        Update: -major changes have been made, & I have removed chapter 6, so please comment here if you wish to be a Beta Reader, and I will send you the latest draft (now down by 1k+ words from draft 5…).   -Shira, Tues, 17 May ’22 

    Update for those who may be reading the 5th draft:  I have made edits to both the Preface and the Introduction, after having finished the Beta Reader changes below.  As of Wednesday, May 7th, I have made edits, up to p. 139, of the 5th draft.   -Shira

 

        I am looking at the feedback from three readers, thus far, and starting to put the comments together in terms of what I will change in the 5th draft of Do Better.  

   I still need suggestions on a book cover and/or logo for Project Do Better,  and another Beta Reader or two, if they can give feedback in 2 weeks, would be most welcome, but for now, I am done compiling and updating for the comments I’ve gotten, and am beginning my own next edit.

(ps: as I see that the 5th draft post is getting to be long in the comments, Beta Readers, please feel free to start leaving feedback in comments on this post, if you prefer…):

Title & ToC:

     While  I like the current title (“Project Do Better: A Kindness Manifesto in Four Phases“), I agree that if equity seems to be the gist of this book, then perhaps a better way of expressing that should be worked into this title, if necessary.  However, the catch is that this book is not really about equity, in my view.  It’s about every person being assured of having at least enough.  Equity would be nice, but I doubt that it is possible.  

                         So, maybe: Project Do Better: A Safety for All Manifesto? –done

Each and every human being having enough food, water, basic private shelter, health care, and access to education, however, is absolutely possible.

   Kindness, built through empathy over these phases, I believe can get us there, and further.

    So, how do we craft a title that expresses this?

Table of Contents:

Also: what about changing the title of Chapter One to “Dreaming vs. Engineering”   -Chapter 1’s subtitle could be changed to: “Introduction to the layout of this book”  ??

Points from Readers:

   Masha:    -P. 9 change from “Backup Bedsit” to ‘other safe shelter, and community support’ with a name that is short enough to make sense and be catchy…  (done)

   Brigidt:  -leave Backup Bedsit as is for lack of better word… (done as added note…)

    Violet:  -Noting that this project is not entirely chronological, the book, once released, will be available to communities in editable format for those who wish to rewrite or rearrange sections as a guidebook for their particular communities.  Thus, a chronological arrangement of chapters is entirely possible, for those communities who want to use sections or use this book as a baseline for their community’s part of this project.

 

Action Prompts:

1.) Share your thoughts on how kindness (and story…) can help build equity, or not, and lead to safe housing for each and every person.

2.) Write a story, post or tweet that uses those thoughts.

***************** 

Click here to read, if you like:

B5, La Casa De Papel/Money Heist, & Lupin & Hakan: Muhafiz/The Protector Reviews

Holistic High School Lessons,

Thoughtful Readers, if you are on Twitter, please consider following   #Project Do Better  on Twitter.

Shira

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Do Better, new Draft: No Chapter 6

I have removed chapter 6, so please comment here if you wish to be a Beta Reader, and I will send you the latest draft.

We still need more eyes on this new PDF of the current, 5th, Draft of Project Do Better‘s book , if Beta Readers would like to volunteer. (Please leave feedback on this book by commenting here on this post…)

Oh, and new title is

Project Do Better: A Kindness Manifesto in Four Parts

Dying to finish and release this book so I can get back to doing my own personal part of Project Do Better: writing historical fiction, so please let me know if you’d like to read 280 pages of how we can become a kinder world that meets everyone’s needs in 60 years!

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Click here to see reviews, lesson plans, or books (nonfiction and slavery/histfic), if you like:

Science Fiction/Fantasy Shows, or Lupin ($ H. coming this wk…)

Holistic High School Lessons,

           or Long Range Plans, & Historical Fiction Serial Stories

          

Shira


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Project Do Better: A Call for Helping Hands

    Project Do Better works  to create a society where every child is safe, and that is more fully inclusive for all of us. 

       Feedback and Beta Readers needed: comment here, please, on this current 5th draft.  Note: I have removed chapter 6, so please comment here if you wish to be a Beta Reader, and I will send you the latest draft 

     Project Do Better presents a vision of a world in which we all work toward a full safety net, and a better tomorrow, for all of us. 

   I have a request to make:

   I believe that planning ahead is a good idea, so:

 

  We need, still,  a better central portal set up for the project (any volunteers to do that, please?).  This temporary page works for now, I guess, maybe?

Oh, and a logo, please, although a friend of a friend may be working on this, not verified yet.

   The sections, of my nonfiction WiP Do Better, every Wondering Wednesday,  seek  to build up a Community of Interest around this vision to both share the idea, and eventually also help to share the work, as this project will obviously be inter-generational. I’ve tried to explain the entire idea in the post for the Preface to this book, which several readers found helpful in clarifying my idea.  I am  starting with my  rough draft, which I’ve been posting to share for later comparison with other Willing Workers On Our Future, hopefully younger than I am, who wish to take up the baton.

So, any sort of way that anyone would like to participate is great, from

1. simply liking and commenting on these posts, to

2. reposting or otherwise sharing any Wondering Wednesdays posts,  to

3. posting your own publications on The Educational Round Robin blog, if you wish, and I can give you publishing authority to do this, as I’ve already given others, to

4. actively collaborating on this book or the project detailed in the book, as there are many areas to subdivide, between now and the next 60 years, and many hands will be needed.

 

   So, in terms of what you can do, there are as many ways to contribute to this work as there are individuals with their own callings to read and share, to write, to draw, to teach, to build, etc! 

   In terms of being a part of what works to make the world a more just place, certainly there are many ways. What is essential to hold on to is the idea that there is more than just the one song, strike, campaign, movement, or even decade: each action that we take must be tied to a larger picture, so that that movement will keep generating progress for the whole, and to remember that there is always a next step to take.

 

Action Prompts:

1.) Share  your thoughts on how this project  could be improved, in the comments, here, please.  Consider sharing some ideas you may have on how our society can solve homelessness and child abuse, starting right now.

2.) Share your thoughts on how we can build empathy in our society today

3.) Write a story, post or tweet that uses those thoughts.

*****************

Click here to read, if you like:

Science Fiction/Fantasy Shows,  Lupin, or Money Heist(soon…)

Holistic High School Lessons,

Thoughtful Readers, if you are on Twitter, please consider following   #Project Do Better  on Twitter.

Shira

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Dr. King’s Rabbinical Commentary Poster, Novel Writing, & What Do You Remember?

This famous speech made by Dr. King, treated as a sacred text: MLK3speechHillelCommentaryStudy  was what, among other things, inspired me to write my first practice novel.  To paraphrase a recently retired Park Service Ranger,  what gets remembered is often a function of who’s in the room.

That is why everyone, I feel, should write an autobiography and/or a novel, as I call for the Serving Adults and other volunteers to help with, in Phase IV of #ProjectDoBetter.

My first practice work, an unreadable Biblical Science Fiction/Fantasy novel, Creator Friend or Foe: Beginnings,  can be available, if anyone wants to torture themselves with it, but I recommend my second practice novel, instead, as more readable: Hubris and Hemlock.

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Click here to read, if you like:

B5, La Casa De Papel/Money Heist, & Lupin & Hakan: Muhafiz/The Protector Reviews

Holistic High School Lessons,

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Parashat B’har / פָּרָשַׁת בְּהַר, & Years of Rest and Return

     This week’s Torah portion,  Behar,  is the 32nd (32/54 or 52, depending on the year: this year, it’s 54…) reading in the annual cycle, and the 9th parashah, second to last in the book of Vayikra/Leviticus.  Normally it is doubled up with the coming week’s parashah, Bechukotai, but this year being a leap year, it is read separately.

   This portion (Leviticus 25:1-26:2) has the Shmitah year, which is the resting of the land every seven years, and the Year of Jubilee, which is the seventh Shmitah year (ok, actually, Shmeni is eighth, which is pretty neat, considering that it is the year after the 7th, aka the 8th, when the shmitah year takes place…).

   I am convinced that both the release of servants every 7 years, and the release of debts with return of land to original families, every 50, were an integral part of preventing inequality from piling up, as it has now, here in the USA.   This idea motivated my original acre/person idea in Project Do Better, even if that idea has been mostly removed from the Do Better manifesto, sadly.

         What do you think our world would look like if we followed the release of debts every 50 years? 

     I look forward to hearing your opinions on this matter, Thoughtful Readers.

We can really  Do Better.

-Shira   

 

     Last week was: Parashat Emor / פָּרָשַׁת אֱמוֹר, What Authority Stands For ,

Action Prompts:

    Share your thoughts on how to build buy-in and create a more equal, or at least less inequitable, society, please.   Writing, by the way, is my personal contribution to Project Do Better

What would yours be, if you had time?

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Click here to read, if you like:

B5, Hakan:Muhafiz/The Protector, Lupin, or La Casa De Papel/Money Heist Reviews,

Holistic High School Lessons,

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BsCs

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Continue reading Parashat B’har / פָּרָשַׁת בְּהַר, & Years of Rest and Return

L’empatie pour sois même, et pour être Adulte: la logique pour éviter les errors

(English)

Je viens de comprendre, tout d’un coup, ce qu’a voulu dire ma chef quand j’avais commencé comme prof de maths -elle m’avait rapproché en disant que le pouvoir n’était pas mal, parce que je n’arrivè pas a contrôler mes élèves. J’avais du mal à l’écouter, et j’avais fini par être renvoyée car j’avais perdu controlle de 3 des mes 5 classes. Maintenant je comprends -j’ai l’horreur d’imposer ma volonté aux autres parce que je n’avais pas le chois quand j’étais petite, et je ne veux pas être comme ça. Dommage que je ne pouvais pas comprendre in 2001.

et, une réponse:

Petit à petit, tu vas trouver tous ces (mauvais) anciens réflexes, les analyser et surtout les ramener à leur juste valeur et ils ne t’empêcheront plus d’avancer dans la vie.

   Salût ! 

Des Choses à faire :

1.) Imaginer comment peut on eviter ces genre de choses.

2.) Les partager ici, SVP.

   Chèrs lecteurs,  es que vous avez des conseils pour faire augmenter l’empatie ? 

***************** 

Click here to read, if you like:

B5, La Casa De Papel/Money Heist, & Lupin & Hakan: Muhafiz/The Protector Reviews

Holistic High School Lessons,

Thoughtful Readers, if you are on Twitter, please consider following   #Project Do Better  on Twitter.

Shira

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Do Better, Writing Process: A Nonfiction Logline??

  This part of chapter one made me realize that I had no log line, although those are generally reserved, so I thought, for fiction work: 

The end goal of this project is to create a community and a plan that would implement all four of President Roosevelt’s stated freedoms, in a phased-in program that builds a movement across the next sixty to eighty years.

What do you think, Thoughtful Readers?

We now return to our French Fridays…

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Click here to read, if you like:

B5, Hakan: Muhafiz/The Protector, Casa de papel/Money Heist or  Lupin Reviews

Holistic High School Lessons,

           or Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction

Shira


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What would Astérix do about Covid-19? (Learn a language to find out!)

Que ferait-il #Astérix le Galois dans ce periode de cris ? What would Asterix the Gaul do during this time of crisis?

Undoubtedly, he would call upon the esteemed local Druid, Panoramix, to teach
the villagers what to do. And certainly, Panoramix would say:

“Il faut absolument pas fumer, parce que ça agrave beaucoup les maladies respiratoires !”
“‪Absolutely #‎stopsmoking‬, because smoke makes respiratory illnesses much worse!”

Then, the renowned Druid would undoubtedly mix up a batch of his famous Potion Magique as a universal cure for the entire village, to assure the health of all. Of course, the villagers have the forest to hunt sangliers and grow their local organic food, so they don’t need a Universal Basic Income to continue to stay healthy, but we do.

Don’t believe me? Just watch Astérix et Obélix : Mission Cléopâtre -it is worth learning #Français (#French) to watch!

(originally posted in March, 12020 HE, updated in 12022 HE…)

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Click here to read, if you like:

B5, La Casa De Papel/Money Heist, & Lupin & Hakan: Muhafiz/The Protector Reviews

Holistic High School Lessons,

Thoughtful Readers, if you are on Twitter, please consider following   #Project Do Better  on Twitter.

Shira

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El Laberinto de La Serpiente (the Labyrinth of the Snake) Núria Masot #3, Empathy & Amistad/Friendship

Este libro es mejor que Harry Potter! “pero ¿sabemos lo que en realidad buscaba?” -La amistad, lealtad y la magia, sin magia. Vale la pena leerlo.

This book is better than Harry Potter! “but ¿do we know what he was really looking for?” -Friendship, loyalty, and magic without magic. Worth reading.

 

Shira
11.7.12015 EH/HE

Full comments:

  Nos vemos!  

Action Items in support of literacy  that you can take right now:

1.)  Share  your ideas for ways to begin building empathy and friendship across cultures.

***************** 

Click here to read, if you like:

B5, La Casa De Papel/Money Heist, & Lupin & Hakan: Muhafiz/The Protector Reviews

Holistic High School Lessons,

Thoughtful Readers, if you are on Twitter, please consider following   #Project Do Better  on Twitter.

Shira

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Two Thought Thursday, La Casa de Papel (Money Heist) End of Part 1, & What Would You Do For Money?

           1.)   Would you kill for 100 million Euros?

            2.)   Would you join a group of bank robbers for 1 million Euros?

Spoilers in Spanish, below:

—          

62 horas de atraco…

Que mirada del Profe. 

Aun peor que lo de Oslo.

Los rehenes si  se van a poner dificiles, y en aquel entonces, usan la empatîa y el amor del dinero para unirse los rehenes a los atracadores, convirtiendolos en socios…

 

Pero por que estan interrogando a los rehenes escapados sin la inspectora, si es su caso?

Y por fin aprendieron que Angel no es un traidor, que sus gafas si…

 

Al menos el Profe tiene conciencia, al ver el dano que hace a la inspectora y al Angel para ganar su dinero, le duele.

 

Y es verdad, cuando has aguantado tantos golpes, te cansas de seguir adelante

 

Y Berlin, manipulando a una mujer, otra vez, para que se queda, conard !!

 

Que bueno que sepa escribir, la madre de la inspectora, para que se deja notas para compensar la falta de memoria.

 

Claro que el Profe hace Tai Chi para calmarse.  Lastima que se cree dispuesto a matar, y sobre todo, matar a una anciana.

 

Si, inspectora, a dormir, sobre todo despues de haberte intentado suicidarte por los atracadores.

 

Y la bonita viejita  dejando pasar por la puerta a un hombre

 

Nairobi tiene razon!  “Abrimos las puertas …”  Oslo ni siquiera puede hablar!  “Antes muere que carcel”  pero ya es peor que muerto!!

 

Que buen actor:  con una mirada, se muestra que Berlin esta buscando, otra vez, castigar a alguien…   (este hombre deberia de tener una lista ya muy larga de gente que quiere matar…)

 

Entonces, los autopsias no son lo general/normal?   Deberian de ser.

Pero mama!!  Que pregunta!!

Si, un hombre bueno, quien esta en tu casa para matarte…

 

Y el muy cobarde del Arturito, ni puede asumir lo que a hecho.

 

Que si, tiene consciencia y un sentido de honor, el Profe!    Orale Profe!!

 

la libertad, o 1 millon de Euros?

 

La Resistencia, y la cancion con su larga historia que habia ensenado a los demas, despidiendose los hermanos, la noche antes del atraco, y ahora, conduciendo la mismisima inspectora a la finca de Toledo que habian salido para el atraco, con la musica de los partisanos Italianos

 

Pero, los creditos al final del episodio muestran el dinero, y la Gran Depresion, de EEUU, y un hombre de la epoca suicidandose por  la falta del dinero.

 

Wow, que final!!

 

What an incredible ending!!

 

    Last week’s review was of part 1, ep.  12, 

Next week will be Part 2, ep. 1 (aka episode 14…)

  “Somos la resistencia.”

   We are the Resistance.

Shira

 

Action Prompts:

1.)  Share your thoughts on how we can be part of the Peaceful Resistance…

2.) Write a book, story, post or tweet that uses these thoughts.

*****************

Click here to read, if you like:

Science Fiction/Fantasy Shows,  Lupin, or Money Heist

Holistic High School Lessons,

Thoughtful Readers, if you are on Twitter, please consider following   #Project Do Better  on Twitter.

Shira

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Continue reading Two Thought Thursday, La Casa de Papel (Money Heist) End of Part 1, & What Would You Do For Money?

Do Better Wednesdays, Walking Prompt

  This prompt  comes from chapter 7: 

 “and that’s why we all decided to walk two miles…!”

Name one reason that you would walk two miles!

🙂

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Click here to read, if you like:

B5, Hakan: Muhafiz/The Protector, or  Lupin Reviews

Holistic High School Lessons,

           or Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction

Thoughtful Readers, if you are on Twitter, please consider following   #Project Do Better  on Twitter.

Shira


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Do Better Wednesdays, Writing Process: Editing out a Chapter

  This part of chapter six is mentioned later, so appears to be redundant: 

Many groups require their students to give an hour or two of their time each week, or even ten or more hours per week, to a charity of their choice. This time spent in giving to a segment of their community is commendable, but does not contribute to solving the actual problem of the lack of critical thinking skills, nor any other difficult individual and societal problems. Teaching a person a critical life skill from scratch, however, does.

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Click here to read, if you like:

B5, Hakan: Muhafiz/The Protector, or  Lupin Reviews

Holistic High School Lessons,

           or Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction

Thoughtful Readers, if you remain on Twitter, please consider following   #Project Do Better  on Twitter.

Shira


Shira Destinie Jones’ work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Turkish Tuesdays, Two Lessons from Hakan:Muhafiz, s2e5, and Ending this Series

What do we learn from season 2, episode 5?

Lessons:
1.)  Never trust a person who enjoys killing.
2.)  History still Matters.
Yep, they told you this would happen, Hakan.

No time for breakfast, guys?
So, having killed her, whose  blood did they use to bring  back poor Leyla, without the hancer to draw blood?
So, these immortals do need to sleep.
And not only does he needlessly kill people, but he also likes to torture.
Even if this guy did kill his family, never is torture acceptable.  Ever.
But the gömlek is only supposed to accept temiz kalbin insanlar, not just any muhafız descendant.
I’ll be ending this review series with this season’s last episode.

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Click here to read, if you like:

Science Fiction/Fantasy Shows, Lupin, Money…

Holistic High School Lessons,

Thoughtful Readers, if you are on Twitter, please consider following   #Project Do Better  on Twitter.

Shira

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