Tag Archives: childhood

Intelligent female characters becoming strong Leaders

I’m still emotionally buzzing from the end of episode 21 of El Ministerio del Tiempo and Amelia’s incredible courage, and character arc !!

More than just one protagonist, though, she stands in a line of female main characters (not always lead or protag, actually) who start off as just intelligent, and develop into both intelligent and strong female characters, a bit like Hermione Granger from the HP series:  these ladies began with some kind of growing to do, and did that growing through painful events, but grew, emotionally and personally (courage, committment, etc) to become much stronger than they started off the books or series, like:

Susan Ivanova from Babylon 5, or  Eda from Sihirli Annem,  or Nazli from Yabanci Damat all began as less than fully confident, but all very promising, intelligent, and self-directed young ladies, who had to learn to be more assertive, culminating in either marrying the person whom they chose (rather than their families chose), or by snatching victory from the jaws of death, or in the case of Amelia, deliberately walking into the possibility of the worst death known (an Auto-da-Fe) in history, for the purpose of making her point.  (ok, yes, you could argue that Delenn does this in B5’s Circle of Fire, but watch the Ministerio del Tiempo episode, and you will see that it is rather different, and also Delenn arrived on B5 as a mature leader, where Amelia began as a novice leader).

These are the examples of critical thinking, emotional growth, and self-confidence that young girls need to see as early and as often as possible to grow into leaders able and willing to stand alongside men and make this world a more just and humane place for all.

 

Read, Write, Dream, Teach !

ShiraDest
3rd of June, 2016

(9th of June edit: these ladies all learned to use cooperation with their allies, and even understanding and forms of NonViolent Communication with their enemies, to accomplish seemingly impossible goals: worth learning in various languages to share with others as I aspire to  become an excellent teacher, like all of these role models!) -Shira, 9 June, 2016

Neville Longbottom and Harry as kids with PTSD?

It is interesting to see how different cultures hide the mistreatment of kids.  The Brits seem to be a bit more up front about it, but also more harsh than say, Turks, who adore children.

I am being lazy and re-reading HP2 to work on my Turkish reading, instead of continuing to slog through something by Orhan Pamuk, because I am just too tired (and I am starting to hit words like bequeath while watching my favorite family TV show of all time: My Magical Mother! (Sihirli Annem!) so it really is time to get back to some reading to keep up my Turkish.

But back to Nevile -I identified with him immediately: I was the one walking into walls in Middle School, forgetting everything, and being told to come down out of the clouds.  Now I know (and we see in later books with Neville) that these are symptoms of childhood PTSD, which presents differently than with adults.

So please, for the love of God, Humanity, Children and the Human Race, or at least for the love of the planet and the potential creativity of the human race, please look out for such signs in kids and try to understand and help them rather than yelling at them.  Don’t let them turn into Invisible Children, or worse.

 

In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest
5th of December, 12015  HE

Review of Invisible Children: A must read for all American Citizens of voting age

Invisible ChildrenInvisible Children by Mike Tikkanen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Check it out at a library, via Worldcat:
https://www.worldcat.org/title/invisi…

First, “States will also discover that investing in children pays big dividends for better schools, safer streets, and happier communities.”

This is the real problem:
“Because so many of us accept snippets of TV coverage of complex stories as the story, we are unable to understand and evaluate what needs to be done to solve the problem that caused it. We don’t take the time to investigate, and it’s easier to assign blame than to solve complex problems.”

Actionable take-home message:
1. “Draw attention to the importance of adequate mental health services for abused and neglected children in your community.”

2. “It is only learned coping skills and behavior modification that will keep children out of the Criminal Justice System, not medications without therapy.”

and
3. “Let your political leaders know you expect them to provide mental health services in your schools and for abused and neglected children.”

Note: “we would rather build prisons than libraries or playgrounds” yet “countries with the lowest rates of poverty and illiteracy have the lowest crime rates.”

KARA founder presents evidence of what has always been obvious to abused kids:
“Our standards for success in dealing with abused and neglected children are too low. Small achievements seem to warrant a stamp of success. Too soon the state decides: that’s enough of the state’s resources for that one. ”
but
“Pre-school programs are affordable, well run, and common throughout the rest of the industrialized world. Only the U.S. makes early childhood learning and day care unaffordable to poor people.”

Result(s):
“UNICEF found that the teen pregnancy rate in America is twice that of the industrialized nations.”

Children need far stronger community protections, partly because:
“unless a parent kills them, a care-giving perpetrator is not likely to suffer any consequences”
yet:

“If you look, you will see that children are protected, cared for, and educated better in the rest of the industrialized world. … Our systems are not functioning to solve these problems. Many of our institutional policies exacerbate the problems. A lack of resources leads to poorly trained providers and inadequate services. To ignore the inter-relatedness of the issues is to guarantee continued failure”
and on race, see: “Minnesota Spokesman Recorder, “Special Ed: The New Segregation,” Rosi Tavf, February 12, 2004).” and “a convict in China makes about twelve cents an hour compared to eleven cents an hour paid to a Minnesota convict. About 50 percent of the prison population is African-American, while African-Americans make up under 13 percent of the general population.”

and on poverty: “Americans have agreed (by voting) that incarcerating vast numbers of poverty stricken uneducated people, mostly for non-violent offenses, is a better alternative than anything else we can think of.”

Let’s think of better.
This is a book that all citizens, particularly of the USA, need to read. Then, do your part to support early and continuous learning for All, please.

In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest
4th of December, 12015 HE

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Thankful for… and A Little Help wThis IDentity Thing, pls?

The problem with thinking is that you start to ruminate, and that’s not good when a tractor comes by!   Today at least I got to finish my morning run before I started seriously ruminating.  (Kind of like the cows, but less smelly, I hope.)

But then I started, and Lo and Behold, my only good childhood memory came for a visit: Grandma Marie!

I must admit that I am thankful for my (adoptive) Great Grandmother, who taught me to fry chicken, to read, to write, and that “Cookin Lasts, Kissin Don’t.”

But the oddest part is that today I feel guilty for not dealing with my whole family of origin thing.  Not finishing my reading for the Latino Slaves research I started after looking up my 5xGr grandfather Miles Manzilla, for the WikiTree Slavery Project which, btw desperately needs someone to take it over, if anyone has time to volunteer (no, WikiTree is not perfect, but it is more open than others, and claims to want to build a Worldwide Family Tree).

And how do you figure out who you are, anyway?  My half-written climactic chapter  (which I need to finish by writing 3100 words Today -gack!!) is driving me crazy because the nutcase mixed-trying-to-escape-her-origins Protagonist  can’t decide between her origins and her husband’s culture.
Oh, and I haven’t eaten -probably explains that ‘burning from within’ in my stomach, and visions of cows becoming steak!! (sorry, cows, and Mr. Farmer neighbor…).
Ok, enough rumminating, sorry to have bored you guys, but I hope you all at least got a little laugh!

In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,
ShiraDest

26 November 12015 HE

What YOU can do to protect children and help Save the World (in about 30-45 years…)

Minnesota’s Gaps & Mitch Pearlstein’s Room Full Of Elephants - children down hill having funKARA ‘s “Call to Action
Look for reports or studies on how much your community spends on early childhood programs. Gain an understanding of the economic arguments for educating and saving children. Watch for budget cuts and let your representatives know that saving money by cutting early childhood programs is a false savings as well as unethical legislative stewardship. Educate the people in your immediate circle of influence about the value of early childhood programs.”

Founder Mike Tikkannen’s book Invisible Children (The American cycle of abuse and its cost)

Please buy or download it (free or make a donation), read it, review it and Share It.

ShiraDest
7 November, 12015 HE

Childrens Right’s as Human Rights in Popular Culture: do studies change things?

I am considering starting a study of Childrens Right’s as Human Rights in Popular Culture:

1. Astérix en Hispanie (le quatorzième album de la série)
et Astérix : Le Domaine des dieux
2. Sihirli Annem (esp. ep. 45 or 46?)
3. Harry Potter

With focus = ways that these shows empower kids to collaborate in preventing the abuse of others, and showing/understanding how this aid affects future adults ?

If such research has not yet been done,
I need to search the background literature (will need journal access via university libraries) and then figure out a methodology -a simple one like case studies.

But what would such a study add to the body of knowledge, and more importantly, to policy decision-making?
ShiraDest

review of Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence by Judith Lewis Herman

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political TerrorTrauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence–From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book, for me, was a horrible read. Horribly accurate. Yet hopeful as well.

Horrible to see that I am not so different after all -I see myself in every comment she makes on adults who survived long-term trauma as children.
Horrible to see that my experience is not so different.
Yet hopeful to see that there are ways of solving the problem, living ‘normally’ -just that ignoring it is not one of those ways.
Most irritating.
Especially after burn-out has twice stopped me from working enough to distract myself from my distracting memories.

She mentions The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma in her 2015 epilogue, and that book seems to recommend both movement and writing -both of which helped me until I had to get back to sitting in a chair looking for a job all day long.

I seem to be stuck in Stage 2, and worst of all, I read over and over again that either in writing or in talking therapy, I must now stop “living in my head” and move back into my body. I have always found it easier to forget to eat then to bother about my body. Work has always been a useful form of escape, until now. Ok, not so much -once I get to about the intermediate level of just about anything, it seems no longer to hold my interest, and I find myself assaulted by unwanted memories that refuse to go back into their Blankety-Blank-Blank!!! boxes.
Irritatingly enough, this is the first place I have seen such a thing predicted.
She even has the gall to predict and counter my ‘unique’ perspective on my right to choose when to die, and how. Apparently this too is normal for folks like me. Huh. So much for being misunderstood. I guess she has us pegged, finally, Thank the non-existent God!! Finally someone actually documents what we go through, and tells us it is a normal response to a hideous start in life. Ok, now, on to how to fix the problem: start with saftey (years of martial arts did help some), get a good therapist, talk, write, and move your body. And remember that faking functionality will not work forever.

Peace,
Shira
27.10.12015 HE

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revista (review): Las Puertas del Mal por (by) Núria Masot

Las Puertas del MalLas Puertas del Mal by Núria Masot
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Intelligent (but possibly codependent) women able to face danger, oddly dressed polyglotts who inspire fear but actually protect, PTSD shown, not told, wounded veterans reminding each other who they were and remain over the years, the seeds of hatred and the power of loyalty, even between different communities. Those are the good things this fourth book offers. What annoyed me was the move toward semi-mystical solutions, rather than logic, in this book versus the first two books. Still, excellent inter-generational work that, like Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and the entire Harry Potter series, inspires hope in community.

17 August, 12015 HE (Holocene Era)

Mujeres inteligentes (tal vez codependientes) capaces de enfrentar el peligro, políglotas vestidos poco normales quienes inspiran el miedo pero protegan a los demas, Trastorno por estrés postraumático mostrado, veteranos heridos sosteniendoles tras los tiempos, las semillas del odio y el poder de la lealtad aun tanto entre la gente como entre las comunidades diferentes. Eso son las cosas buenas que ofrece este libro, cuatro de cinco en el serie, Lo que me fastidio era el cambio ver el mysticismo, mientras el logico era el base de los primeros dos libros. Sin embargo, este libro queda exclente como trabajo multi-generacional que, como a Harry Potter, inspira la esperanza en la comunidad.

17 del agosto, 12 015 EH (Era Holoceno)
Shira Destinie

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How applying creative logic to old reflexes can prevent new mistakes

Linked to solutions for the questions raised in an earlier post on Solving Childhood Abuse Problems via Sharing a Story, I think that understanding present-day problems in light of childhood abuse  needs to be accompanied by a strict sense of what specific problems were caused by on-going feelings (shame, self-doubt, self-hatred, etc) and how those feelings, from childhood events, lead us to make poor choices now.

I suddenly understand what my principal tried to tell me when I started teaching math 
-she criticized me, saying that power is not bad, since I could not control my students.  I
 had difficulty with this, and ended up being fired since I'd lost control of 3 of my 5 classes. 
 Now I understand -I hate imposing my will on others because I had no choice as a child, and I 
cannot stand to be like 'that.'  Too bad I did not understand this in 2001.

Je viens de comprendre, tout d'un coup, ce qu'a voulu dire ma chef quand j'avais commencé 
comme prof de maths -elle m'avait rapproché en disant que le pouvoir n’était pas mal, 
parce que je n’arrivè pas a contrôler mes élèves.   J'avais du mal à l’écouter, et 
j'avais fini par être renvoyée car j'avais perdu controlle de 3 des mes 5 classes.  
Maintenant je comprends -j'ai l'horreur d'imposer ma volonté aux autres parce que 
je n'avais pas le chois quand j’étais petite, et je ne veux pas être comme ça.  
Dommage que je ne pouvais pas comprendre in 2001.

(response:)
Little by little, you will find these old reflexes, analyse tehm, and put them in the right 
place so that they no longer keep you from moving forward.

-----------------------------
 Petit à petit, tu vas trouver tous ces (mauvais) anciens réflexes, les analyser et surtout 
les ramener à leur juste valeur et ils ne t'empêcheront plus d'avancer dans la vie. 


--

Tools every adult needs to have or develop…
25.6.12015 HE

Why Share Your Story?

For similar reasons to why ALL should write a book

Protect Others via:

Protect Others: Tell Your Story (Please Help Break the Silence-Shame-Intimidation-Exploitation CYCLE …)

How can telling your story, as one friend told me, protect others?  I suppose that as one progresses, and learns

how to overcome, those lessons learned along the way can help prevent that same harm from befalling other

vulnerable people.  But how?

1.
Well, if the first childhood memory is one of sad anger, of loss, the green Caddy driving to NYC may impede, for a

lifetime, that love of large cars and of the Big Apple that so many Americans seem to boast.  If that memory is

tied to a borough where the kids rejected you, and your next memory was of being locked in a room, at 4 years of

age, hearing your mothers screams as furniture fell and things broke in the living room, as her boyfriend beat

her, how do you use this to protect others?

By coming up with a plan for teaching children to protect themselves from silence, from shame, intimidation and

from exploitation, via:

A New Adult Rite of Passage:  http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/6177.html

2.
If one was sexually abused at 6, and told not to tell, how do we protect children from parents who can protect

neither their children nor themselves?          -Teach kids that Silence = Death, because silence can lead to

suicide, after a few years.

3.
If one took refuge from bullies by running and retreating, how to undo that shame?  -Teach kids that we ALL have a

right to our personal boundaries, to equal bodily respect, and to equal human dignity.

4.
If one was refused self-defense because “young ladies don’t fight” but they can come home in bruises that will be

ignored, how does one learn to stand up to intimidation?  -Teach kids that if you stand up, you might or might not

be hurt today, but if you cower you WILL agonise for years to come.

5.
If one was physically and sexually abused as a teenager, with all the blame heaped on a 15 year old, how to learn

not to exploit nor be exploited?  -Gandhi and Frankl cite adult choice and power: UpHold your Values and Create.

6.  Only then is one ready to be An Adult: http://adulthoodchallenge.dreamwidth.org/318.html

(This is the real answer to Millie’s question:
https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/7591180-answer-to-millie-s-question-on-education)

((and a summary of the Adulthood thread: http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/tag/adultriteofpassage))

ShiraDest,
April, 12015 HE (Holocene/Human Era)

(original post at: http://meowdate.dreamwidth.org/12873.html earlier today….)