Tag Archives: historical fiction

Passing: A Third Excerpt Cut From My Rough Draft, on Day 23 of The Omer

    This paragraph is  one that I cut from my former and maybe still current WiP, working title Passing:

Those saddlebags I had packed, which she was carrying along with me when shot, contained my still bloody sewing scissors, as no one had had the time to think of cleaning them. Smith had been overheard boasting that he could now use them to give his wretched hunting dogs a fresher sample of my scent, the better to hunt me and my friends down with as soon as he was authorized to do so, and this by his master, the Senator, not by the laws of any northern state. Had I thought to get rid of them, or at least to clean them, this, at least, would not be one more weapon that I had given to our enemies. What made it even worse was the fact that it might have been true even earlier. I wondered if it were possible for Smith to have hidden one of his special bloodhounds that the Senator had told me about, after that first time. He’d boasted of having paid for some special kind of surgery on the poor animal that rendered it incapable of barking, so that it could be used to search in utter silence, tracing its prey without giving away its presence, as dogs normally did. If that were so, then I realized with growing horror that Smith could be using that animal even now, to track us, or me, and with me, Anna, maria_weems_escaping_in_male_attire_28page_220_crop29 for the reward that Charles Price must have on her, far more effectively if it had smelled my blood on those scissors.

Now, at least, I knew of one thing that I could do. I could dispose of those bloody scissors. I would have to consult with others who knew more than I as to whether the blood could effectively be cleaned off of them, or in what place and manner they could best be disposed of so as not to lead a trail directly back to myself, and with me, everyone else.

     This paragraph was from page 234 to 235, out of a total of 311.  There will more dead darlings assuredly.

    It is based, obviously to those who were following my writing last year or so, on my earlier popular series here that was called Ann & Anna, which I used as the Act I for the rough draft and quick pass of a horrible First Draft of my new novel Passing, with some modification, of course.  You can find out what the Rough First Draft looks like, if you wish, be requesting it in the comments.  I still hope to finish shaping it into a proper novel, one day, but today is not that day, and it looks like this year is also not that year.  As for the Omer, this year, today, Thursday May 16th, is Day 23rd Day of the Omer, and my non-traditional counting grid ShiraDestOmerD23 emphasizes public transportation, which Willow could not use in her escape, at least not up from the Federal City and through Maryland, but we shall see if that changes later, up North, and housing of course is crucial for everyone at all times, back in 1855, and in our time, today.

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ reviewing of Turkish shows and films, is non-commercial share-alike, but otherwise All Rights Reserved to the author, (Copyright 2023). 

Who By Fire, Scene 28/46, and Planning the Midpoint on Empathy Day 22 of The Omer?

    This scene was meant to be part of the ‘Midpoint Twist’ or turning point in the main plot, but it didn’t end up falling where I had hoped it would, after I began writing based on my well-laid plans. (Today the Omer count, which emphasizes empathy and mass transit, will come after this scene planning memoir…)

Who By Fire rough draft,  mostly written in ’20:

     

                        scene 28/46 (M17/30 as planned, but 17/31 as drafted…)

Purpose:SuspctMinnieWorstGossip-Betrayal; StoryPart:MiddleActII

setting: time, AfterKillerStorm18Aug New Info: …

freshdw M19 DISASTER & stakes (pref. Via Betrayal) (62.5%) Reminded of antag forces: Angelo returns (or his minion) to deliver msg:

– wife CHOSE to go to LA, thus Isaias’ kids really his?? (since she can’t possibly love him!)

-what’s I. Got to live for anyway, have the revenge!!! Suspects/Finds out Minnie of having betrayed through gossip (or worse??Knows she doesn’t like/root for his Wife nor for his son Jean/Johnny…) (USE this to show what’s at stake!!!)

find out: Minnie manpltd grapvine agnst (seems like JPM, but Angelos behind it all…), hates Lucy

-’Angelo’ returns a msg via Minnie

*** (end of scene 28/46, M17)

***end of  Scene from very Rough Draft of my practice novel no more (abandoned, now) Historical Fantasy, Who By Fire

Here, by the way, was the plan I used, or the meta-plan, as we used to say, for planning out the scenes and character bibles, including my novel planning notes incorporated into my spreadsheet cells so as to facilitate the task of planning out all of my character’s intentions, voices, events that would happen to them during the story, and incidents that had already happened to them before this story began, aka backstory planning.  I discovered that using a spreadsheet for my character bibles seemed logical and organized, but in practice was a disaster, so here is what I have:

  • write up synopses (1, 2 & 7 page/Long synopsis) & scene list criteria

    • 1 paragraph/1 page synopsis is NOT same as back cover copy

      • Synopsis tells:

        • genre

        • MCs: protag, Antag, sidekick1 & maybe s2

        • Main Conflict

        • Narrative arc. From inciting incident to ending:

          • setup

          • rising action

          • climax

          • falling action

          • denouement

        • Written in: third person, present tense. A good synopsis is single-spaced and typed, with a word count between 500 and 700 words

          • Reveal it all

          • Convey your voice. Your synopsis is an extension of your writing style, so make sure the writing is in line with your voice.

      • “In paragraph one, introduce your hero, the conflict, and the world.

      • In paragraph two, explain which major plot turns happen to your hero. Pick only the big ones. It’s a good idea to include a mention of your villain and the most important secondary character (sidekick or love interest).”

      • In paragraph three, describe how the novel’s major conflicts are resolved. You must reveal the ending.

      • From previous high level pitch and précis to synopsis

      • See all those notes packing my boxes in storage now

      • src links: synopsis writing

    • 2 page synopsis

    • write long-synopsis just in case (see notes…)

    • make Scene List with chapter breaks at cliff-hangers (see spreadsheet…)

      • scene list

      • Think of each scene as a separate short story, able to stand on its own. As such, it should have a dynamic opening which thrusts the reader right into the scene. It should have a middle that delivers something essential to the novel as a whole. It should have an ending that generates enough suspense to compel the reader into the next scene. And all this needs to be done in an entertaining way.

      • 1. Suspend disbelief, 2. Make readers care about the character(s) and 3. Make them want something that might not happen—or make them dread something that might.

      • What are the characters trying to do and why is it worth telling a story about them provide plot twists?

      • per scene

      • Links and notes taken directly from online sources: scene outlining:

  • Research:

    • No ice cream anymore, but maybe had some as a ‘reward’ as a kid…

      • preservation maryland History of ice cream in Baltimore

    • Figure out how to get Isaiah and an educated Jewish dock worker to meet and spend time together

      • Under what circumstances would they have time and privacy for him to tell or teach him about relevant quotes from the book of Isaiah and Genesis?

        • Blds his self esteem

        • Puts idea and knowledge of the sword in reach

      • Meir is from & left Bavaria in 1837 (Jewish persecution…)

      • Brackett, negro in Maryland

      • Piet and Piet, Early Catholic records in Baltimore

      • The Georgetown memory project Freedom suits especially the queen family

    • slave lawsuits for freedom: Queen v Hepburn

    • : ironic: ” Tappan’s firm, the Mercantile Agency, built on his abolitionist connections to create a nationwide network of credit reporters that was the direct predecessor of today’s credit ratings firms.”

  • working title: Book I in “Death to Birth” trilogy, starts with book about protag’s death AND HashTag!!!

    • “I Will…” **

    • Who by Fire: I Will

    • whoByFireIwill

    • “I do.”

  • start novel journal & binder with char. Bible

    • journal notebook just for thoughts about progress & feelings on this wip

    • Binder for ALL papers related in Any way to this wip!! (including journal & char. bible: slots inside the binder…)

  • Character Bible

    • All 3: Josias, I. & Johnny: leftys

    • Protag is born as Isaias:

      • Book I Protag. char arc:
        Key quote…

        • during Book I, learns/finds out:

          • there is a hell

          • there is a G-d

            • that this God is not entirely malevolent/uncaring

            • that God’s

              • doing the best he can with what he has to work with so far…

              • got several irons in the fire

              • has other options for the exceptional??

              • trying to make things better faster without ruining the cake…

        • spiritual arc, BookI

          • disbelief, to

          • hating God, to

          • understanding God’s paradox vis. humanity

        • emotional arc:

          • Am I not the right hand of Vengeance, and the Left hand of death?

          • being too angry/exhausted/traumatized to care about anyone else, i.e. selfish (VENGEful)

          • to…

          • self-sacrifice, i.e. less selfish for JUSTICE for all kids (slave/free/white…)

            • even for his enemies children!!

      • Possible protagonist name:

        • Middle name??

          • does he want or choose one?

        • Isaias

          • No surname

        • Frank Worth,

        • Adam Smith

        • Arnold Jones *** (MD escaped Lost Jesuit Slave…)

        • Micah Joelson, Jobs, Jonas

        • Neil Godspell,

        • Adam Shields

        • Angela Shields

        • Victoria Stone

        • Nika Peterson

    • Antag:

      • Josiah P. McDevell

        • speculator fr New orleans

        • secret = pedophile

      • See suplot2 page in binder…

    • Isaias’ son

      • Young

      • Captured by constables

      • Wanted for carnal beauty by antagonist

    • Subplot1 friend or ally -name!!

      • Goal: a surname

      • He needs a friend or smartass or a wise ass sidekick number to

        • Minnie

        • to act as a foil and

        • helping find his ideas will

        • shoot them down or just sarcastically somehow help him realize and

        • reshape and sharpen what he’s thinking.

    • Subplot 2 : the apparent bad guy

      • Jo. Philmore McDevell

    • Subplot3: romance

      • Love interest/sidekick is is still enslaved wife, who is about to be sold down to Louisiana by Georgetown college with everyone else from the old plantations in southern Maryland.  FancyQuadroonNYMet

    • Minor chars ?

      • Friend of one of Isaias’ kids who gets molested

      • killer angel/elemental/being

      • msnger angel

      • child(ren) being harmed

      • chld molester

      • God

      • Satan

    • Angelo

      • msenger devil/demon

    • Isaias’ guardian angel

And today is Day 22 of the Omer, on which I am counting with the non-traditional ideas in this grid: ShiraDestOmerDay22  .  Today is all about how empathy and public transportation combine with each other, which is a difficult one for me, because I so often have been moved to tears on the approach to a metro station seeing all of the people lining the sidewalks at the entrances, suffering from want.   Yet public transportation, when it is clean, efficient, and accessible, fills a vital public need, and can also in itself help build empathy if riders try.  It also takes and in turn builds empathy to support improvements in the mass transit system.  What do you think, Thoughtful Readers?

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)  whobyfireiwilltmpcover

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ Rough Draft of Who By Fire is All Rights Reserved, (Copyright 2023, 2024) ,but some rights to characters and setting of this work can be passed to another author willing to build on this work and credit my initial start on this work.

Who By Fire, Scene 27/46, But At The End, Already, of Lucy’s Subplot?

    This scene was based on my research on the fancy trade, as well as comments from reading Freedom’s Port about the horrid speculators who would have lined up to sell Lucy:

    • places in Baltimore:

      • I think I finally know what I need to know about the notorious slave trader Woolfolk in Baltimore: his first ‘jail’ or slave pen was on Pratt street, so that must be a place of menace for my protagonist and his friends…

      • W.’s competitor Franklin sold Fancy maids  27the_quadroon_girl27_by_henry_mosler2c_cincinnati_art_museum from Balt. & all MD counties…

    • Research notes on book Freedom’s port the African American community of Baltimore 1790-1860

.

Who By Fire rough draft,  mostly written in ’20:

     

                                                                            scene 27/46 (Lucy4/5)

Purpose:LucyProactive; StoryPart:Strt2ndHalfOfActII

setting: time, justAfterKillerStorm18Aug New Info: …

plan to esc (picks wrong ally?): she finally sees the danager she’s in, mks esc plan, how to find I & J and go north together, Needs ally!

I hope I have not learned too late, to discern truth from lie. Dear Virgin Mother, please, please….

*** (end of scene 27/46, Lucy4)

***end of  Scene from very Rough Draft , Who By Fire

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)  whobyfireiwilltmpcover

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ Rough Draft of Who By Fire is All Rights Reserved to the author, (Copyright 2023).

Who By Fire, Scene 26/46, J’s Subplot Midpoint

    This scene simply refused to come to me, even though I did have dozens of images of the evil JPM, whose story little Johnny/Jean Ange (depending on who is talking about him…) is telling.  Maybe that is my problem.  Trying to tell a villan’s story as seen through the eyes of the child that villain is abusing is a task requiring a great deal of writing skill, which I have not yet acquired.  And it is particularly taxing when trying to deal with near survival level issues in life, so I am feeling very frustrated at not having the right conditions available to me that would allow me to focus on this project and work out the many difficult kinks in this set of threads and weave it into a good story.

Who By Fire rough draft,  mostly written in ’20:

     

                                                                            scene 26/46 (JohnnyTellingJPMstry3/5)

Purpose:JohnnyMidpntDocsJPMsFallIntoAbyss; StoryPart:MiddleActII

setting: time, justAfterKillerStorm18Aug New Info: …

JPM to get J. & (claims) let him see his mother soon!! (happy kid, until…)

middle to end of this scene (even the kid gets it!) starts to see JPM & his plummet into his abyss

*** (end of scene 26/46, J3)

***end of  Scene from very Rough Draft , Who By Fire

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)  whobyfireiwilltmpcover

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ Rough Draft of Who By Fire is All Rights Reserved to the author, (Copyright 2023).

Who By Fire, Scene 25/46, and Planning the Mentor

    This scene taught me Never use both a spreadsheet, and paper, as well as a text message back up, to write your character bibles. It will be confusing and redundant and make more effort rather than act as backups.  At this point, I was following the standard plot point structure in three acts, trying to fit in all of those parts of the Hero’s journey that need to happen in the adventure, and feeling miserable with the whole novel project.  Meir/Martin’s voice came to me fairly naturally, but I never had the energy to flesh out his relationship with Hopkins, although I kept having lots of ideas for his work with Isaias, and tried to lay out those ideas as part of the story in scene designs that were meant to interact with other characters, most of whom refused to show up in my ideas for these two  (Isaias and M.), except for the end scene with M. and Lucy, or M. and Lucy and J.  Since he is considered mostly white (as Jews were called Hebrews back then, and not really considered White, restricted in a lot of ways, but still generally tolerated), and able to buy property and live without a white Guardian, as Hopkins, though free, still required in most slave state, M. was in a position to be able to purchase Lucy and thus rescue her, and also her son, if the legal owner, JPM, would have agreed to the sales.   I also kept finding random notes like this, which I had to figure out how and where to work into the various scenes, somehow:

[“Scrapers” removed the manure and pitch

sweepers of shavings

stevedores and carters loaded and unloaded ships]

   See what I mean?

Who By Fire rough draft,  mostly written in ’20:

     

scene 25/46 

Purpose:BncBckTakeInitTryJobAgain; StoryPart:MiddleActII

setting: time, justAfterKillerStorm18Aug New Info: …

bnc back, take init., so, tries again to renig by arranging to bribe guards, get son, go North…

-Good job for him, apprentceship for son, abolitionist protection

-tries to use grapevine this time to help mk arrangements plans out with Meir & Hopkins first, this time, leaves Minnie out of it (on Hopkins’ advice…)

*** (end of scene 25/46, Main16)

 

***end of  Scene from very Rough Draft , Who By Fire

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)  whobyfireiwilltmpcover

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ Rough Draft of Who By Fire is All Rights Reserved to the author, (Copyright 2023).

Who By Fire, Scene 24/46, Minnie’s Muddy Midpoint Needs a Cauldon?

    At this point, I had life interference issues, and also was not organized enough with this project to keep working on it while dealing with other things, despite the fact that later, I found that posting Ann & Anna serial sections actually helped me deal with other issues, ironically enough, so I guess this is yet another way that I finally came to understand that this is not the project for me, or rather, this is not my book to write.  I never came to have any visual ideas and also not much voice feel for this character, Minnie, whose story was intended to be a mirror plot, or cautionary tale subplot in the story.  Maybe that is why I kept having trouble figuring out why she stays in the story to begin with, and had to work on forming some sort of cauldron to keep her attached to Isaias and the others, actually to keep her attached to the overall story, frankly.  This scene was intended to be her midpoint scene, which I needed to coincide roughly with the overall midpoint, or the main plot midpoint scene, but I never managed to write the full scene after making ridiculous numbers of little notes about it.  I also never really got a good handle on Minnie, herself, in terms of who she was, what she looked like, or even how she spoke and thought.  Nothing about her hung together with the other characters or the larger story.

Who By Fire rough draft,  mostly written in ’20:

     

                                                                            scene 24/46 (Minnie3/5)

Purpose:MinnieMidpntStartsHerFallIntoAbyss; StoryPart:MiddleActII

setting: time, justAfterKillerStorm18Aug New Info: …

Looked (at least to her) like he’d have her, goes for that ‘ring’ from I. & fails miserably → envy & start of wrath. Finally Gets the fact Isaias really loves Lucy

Minnie’s decides to hate both, find way to hurt all of them.

middle to end of this scene starts her plummet into her abyss

*** (end of scene 24/46, Minnie3)                                                                            

***end of  Scene from very Rough Draft , Who By Fire

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)  whobyfireiwilltmpcover

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ Rough Draft of Who By Fire is All Rights Reserved to the author, (Copyright 2023).

Who By Fire, Scene 23/46, Which is Lucy3/5, and Midpoint Motifs

    This scene was meant to nail the midpoints of both Lucy’s subplot and the main plot together via some sort of motif, but I did not have a system of symbols, yet.

Is a kitten in the opening scene and a young adult cat or lay down lesson cat by November by the end of the book.
And once again, never have redundant notes in different places!

Who By Fire rough draft,  mostly written in ’20:

     

                                                                            scene 23/46 (Lucy3/5)

LucyMidPnt; OvrlMidPntsStryPlcActII

1stPrsonPresentTense!!! WifeSbPlotScn3: Hopes that Isaias doesn’t feels guilty for leaving her behind. She feels hopeful, & then hopeless (as she bgns to suspect) about being sold to LA after I. Told her that he’dwrk, so now he must have worked so long to buy her freedom who gets this msg to her (same flks who got news to him about her sale!) Gets (false) news abt I. bng ok (via Minnie…), thus glad while weaving gift for & sending happy prayers to him. Starts to mk esc pln! Qu.: how will she save herself?!

relizes: needs to learn 1.) to hide/live in woods & find north as part of her own new escape plan & 2.) either how to pick locks or how to make good friends with house staff (or get her yard friend promoted to house…), bcs her door is being locked at night, now (end of scn)!

setting: time, day, ( Weather??)… New Info: …

*** (end of scene 23/46, Lucy3)

***end of  Scene from very Rough Draft , Who By Fire

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)  whobyfireiwilltmpcover

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ Rough Draft of Who By Fire is All Rights Reserved to the author, (Copyright 2023).

Who By Fire, main Scene 22/46, The Stormy Midpoint Twist?

    This scene was one that I never managed to write, although I had a series of intense ideas about it, all different, one from the other, as soon as I came across the article describing a strong midsummer storm on the mid-Atlantic that hit very hard in Baltimore.  I knew that this storm had to tie in very strongly with events in the book, and across all four plots, especially the main plot, also with the three subplots.  I just did not know how to make that happen.  I was also very glad that I had noted the information as soon as I spotted it, back in June or July of ’20, while I was doing my family history and research as well as the initial novel research for this book.  When I went back to look for more details of that storm online a couple of years later, I was unable to find even what I had previously noted about the storm, to my vast frustration.  I have seen this happen, in my family history research, from time to time since 2007.  A web site will freely list information with traceable sources, early on, and then often simply disappear, or show up later suddenly pay-walled off.  It is very sad for those researchers and writers who do not have funding behind us.  Not only that, it is also sad for the rest of humanity, as access to history diminishes, with the consequent loss of understanding of how we came to be as we are.

My organization for the plots and characters fell apart, though, as I went along, using a spreadsheet, notebooks, and scraps of paper, then finding ideas or notes three years later and having no idea to which scene they referred, like this one, from Mon, Jul 13, 2020, 16:00:

“Just filled in Cell AP32, and I feel as proud as a new mother of my
Protagonist!  Silly, but true!”

And then the even more cryptic notes:

“Especially lower sheets:. M. Loses job each Saturday… Schleps at docks with I. And Hopkins for that reason…”  

Who By Fire rough draft,  mostly written in ’20:

     

                                                                              TotalScene 22/46 (Main 15/30)

MidPoint

( (I.hears:) wife sold south! A surprise event that wrecks the plan and raises the stakes, often after a temporary triumph.

“While the indians will be walking west, my wife will be sold south her honor broken, and I do nothing?” 18 August, 1838 Killler Storm

Angelos tries to hint to I. That Lucy’s not faithful???)

setting: time, day: 18Aug1838, Weather: Killer Storm mving in, New Info: relizes that he cannot save all 3 of them

Argument (w/whom?) re him taking good job up north

Isaias looked at her  IsaiasPicPg   

“Why and I mean why, on this good earth, would you ever want to go all the way up there? You don’t know anybody up three. Not a soul.”

He looked sideways at her, eyebrows up waiting for her to understand.  As if she ever would?

“Isn’t it the folks you do know, rather than those you don’t who do you the most harm?”

The newspaper had stated “one soul went to a watery grave, while several other were impaled on land, men newly arrived to this land, seeking work and a better life, no doubt.”

*** (end of scene 22/46, MainPlot 15/30)

***end of  Scene from very Rough Draft , Who By Fire

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)  whobyfireiwilltmpcover

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ Rough Draft of Who By Fire is All Rights Reserved to the author, (Copyright 2023).

Who By Fire, Scene 21/46, aka J2/5, And Telling Someone Else’s Story?

    This scene is the second in the son’s subplot, of five planned scenes in his subplot.  I laid out all of the main plot summary cards in order, but left all of the subplot scenes to fit in later.  This subplot is that of the false antagonist, but told from the point of view of a young boy who is a bit like Dr. Watson in that he is observing and telling someone else’s story , and hence acts as an unreliable narrator, as we discussed some time ago.  Very unreliable, in this case.  You’ll see why.

Who By Fire rough draft,  mostly written in ’20 

                                                                scene 21/46 (J 2/5)

Purpose: ; StoryPart: in Act II

J’s Vc: 1stPrsPastTense(TellingJMSstoryUnreliably)

setting: time, day, ( Weather??)… New Info: …

The white men, they dressed a bit like the overseers I remembered before we left mama, gave me hot chocolate to go with my breakfast, and said that my Shepherd had sent it specially for me, and that he would be here soon to fetch me. They also said that he make me wear my curls long, like a girl, and put paint on my face, but when I had asked why, they only laughed and made strange movements with their hands. They sent a sad looking house servant in to wash me up and comb my hair, and left, still laughing. 

– ? (foreshadow false antag (JPM)’s arc as SP2 Protag. & I. As Sp2’s Antag.;

) ?

I remembered how I told xyz how Maitre J. had said bad words about Germans coming here lately, but that the Irish were “passable Catholics” and might be trained, like field hands could become yard hands, and xyz had said how unkind a thing that was to say. But my Shepherd had always been kind, and always gave me treats, when my daddy/papa/father almost never did.

“But why?”

“Stop asking that question all the time, my Angelic little boy.”

“Is it bad to ask questions?” I knew that my papa asked many questions.

“No, mon ange, it is not bad to ask a few questoins, but you must trust in me. Some ask questions because they do not trust, and that is not good. But do not worry, mon ange, I will save you. I will always keep you safe, do you hear?” he had looked at me until I nodded my head, and then took me up in his arms. He had poured me the same kind of hot chocolate that they served me at breakfast this morning. The white men had not looked kindly nor happy, but the maid they sent in to attend me looked glad to see me. “Do you know Miss Sally?” She had looked at me, put her finger to her lips, and then poured me more hot chocolate, lifting my cup to my lips to make me drink more.

I heard my shepherd:

“You are jealous.”

“Jealous? He is my son!”

“You forget yourself, Isaias.”

“But don’t you know,Master, that -”

“Mind your tone, Isaias, mind your tone! Servants obey your masters, as the church obeys Christ. Remember that.” I had heard my father whisper “Yes, master,” but he sounded the way he talked when he was cross, and was about to go for a long walk.

“You may go, Isaias. Take a walk to clear your head, and consider.”

“Yes, master.” I heard his footsteps coming toward my door, but then my shepherd said “Go out the other door, immediately, Isaias.” the footsteps had suddenly stopped, and I heard, almost too quietly to hear, “Yes, Master” as if my father were very sad. My shepherd had come into my room, then, and held out a treat for me. I ran to his arms, sitting in his lap as I ate the candy, while he told me that “Your father is sometimes not himself, my angelic child, but I will save you from his clutches.” when I looked up to ask him what clutches were, he had taken my candy, which I was holding in my left hand, and placed it into my right. “Do not eat with your sinister hand, as your father does, mon ange, try to do everything with your right hand.” What was sinister? Did it make papa bad? It did not sound good, so I tried to remember to use my right from then on. I remembered the time I had seen my Shepherd pick up a fork with his left hand, and how he his face had turned very red when he saw me looking. I had felt sorry, and cried, but he had given me a treat and made it all better.

“Are you finished, young master?” Why was this house maid calling me master?

I kept making more tell-tales for Disty, to give to my father when I see him again. My shepherd said that would be soon, and that we would all be a family again.

*** (end of scene 21/46, JPlot 2)

***end of  Scene from very Rough Draft , Who By Fire

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)  whobyfireiwilltmpcover

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ Rough Draft of Who By Fire is All Rights Reserved to the author, (Copyright 2023).

Who By Fire, Scene 20/46, & Tying Subplots to the Main Plot

    This scene was where I ran out of energy.  There were too many bits of notes, like the one featured above, and overflowing ideas for the other subplots, and I was also really tired of struggling with this story, when the ideas for Ann & Anna were flowing so easily.  This subplot, for Minnie, especially, was really difficult to figure out how to write her voice.

Who By Fire rough draft,  mostly written in ’20:

       

                                                                                scene 20/46 (Minnie 2/5)

Purpose: CrossHerThresholdScn ; StoryPart: MidActII

Thinks she has a chance w/I., tries to seduce…

setting: time, day, ( Weather??)… New Info: …

“I know how they found your boy, Isaias.” That got his attention.

“How? And how do you know?”

So, he still believes me, he does still trust my flare. “They followed him with his minder, that free dressmaker, from the Oblate school house on Richmond Street.”

That would be Miss Sally:  IMG_20230310_104038059

“I know that you are older than you look, arne’t you, Minnie?” Isias looked cross. Does he also know about my child, who no longer speaks to me?

“I have a wife, Minnie, and I love her very much.”

What did it matter? I want him and he will be mine, this fine man. Am I not beautiful, too? I am beautiful. Very beautiful. Wink.

“I know, Isaias, and I only want to help you. I know you are hurting, and I am here to console you.”

“What?”

“A ring! Ring, ring, ring! Before, and I do mean before, we do a thing!”

“Woman, when did I say I wanted to do anything with you?”

“You are a man, so I know you do. I know you do!”

“I don’t.”

Is he turning me away? Aint I as light as her? I am just as light-skinned as she is. How can he turn me away? I will show him. Looking at me like I was possessed or something!

“Minnie, will you just tell me-”

“Well I guess you got deeeemoted, didn’t you? From body servant down to carpenter, down to ditch digger! How the high and mighty have fallen!”

Minnie’s eyes glitter w/envy and thirst for revenge

Telling them where to find him would be perfect payback.

*** (end of scene 20/46 sketch, Minnie2)

***end of  Scene from very Rough Draft , Who By Fire

Shira

*****************

Click on the ShiraDest website main menu to find other pages, including:

Learning via Holistic College Algebra & GED/High School Lesson Plans,

           or

 Learning from Long Range Nonfiction, or Historical Fiction Writing (including explanation of Who By Fire…)  whobyfireiwilltmpcover

     Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

This project of ShiraDest Publishing, and Shira Destinie Jones’ Rough Draft of Who By Fire is All Rights Reserved to the author, (Copyright 2023).