Who is a Humanist, and Does It Matter?

  Back when I lived in Izmir, one day, a neighbor angrily said to me:

Hümanist değilsin … çünkü kötü insanları sevmiyorsun…”  /  “You are not a humanist … because you do not like bad people.”

  I was so stunned that I did not know what to say.   My Turkish was advanced enough that I had understood her immediately, but I still wanted to reflect on her words, both the literal sense, and the meaning, because I felt disturbed by her anger with me.  First, because I had no recollection of claiming to be a humanist, and second because I was not even sure what a humanist was.  Her sister rushed to change the subject, while I reflected on what could have prompted this comment, seemingly out of the blue, from my neighbor.  We spoke often of my concerns, back in 2005, that the world was not the kind and safe place that it could and ought to be, but that there were certainly ways to make our world kinder and safer for everyone, especially for vulnerable people.

   After she left the room, her sister, a much nicer person, sat down with me to apologize.  My way of seeing the world, of not spending money, of asking questions, of wondering how we could do things differently, was a source of confusion to many people, who felt that I should be concentrating on making money.  They also seemed to be offended that I did not want to make lots of money, buy nice things, and live like a rich person, or wear makeup.  Things that I tried to explain felt forced on me, unnecessary, and even degrading, since women are forced to use cosmetics and shoes that actually damage our bodies for no good reason.  So, why are so many people upset by my refusal to follow these customs?  And where she got the idea (not entirely incorrect, in fact) that I have no particular love for ‘bad’ people, I am not sure, but I was at a loss to understand why I should be obliged to like or love those who actively harm others.  I do feel that every girl and even small-ish boy should be trained from the earliest age in the arts of psychological, emotional, and physical self-defense.  Perhaps my personal indifference toward this neighbor had something to do with it, as she very much valued money, power, and ways of getting both.  I went from going along with her much of the time, to actively resisting (especially once she had me sit with her to translate during online dates with men from Spanish-speaking countries, as she claimed to be younger than she really was, and wore a long hair-extension).  But her anger with my general outlook puzzled me.

Comments, Thoughtful Readers?

Shira

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Thoughtful Readers, please consider reading about #ProjectDoBetter.  This work is my personal way (as opposed to founding the Project, overall) of contributing to building tools that can help increase empathy and compassion in our world.  Story, as part of how we see our world, helps us make sense of and define our actions in this world.  And remember how important story is also as part of this project. Let’s Do Better.

Shira Destinie A. Jones, MPhil, MAT, BSCS

ShiraDest

Shira Destinie Jones’ work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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