Here it is -the Real Draft #6! How (NOT) to Write a Practice Novel, CFoF, Book 1: Beginnings;

Organisation is definitely another key element of writing a novel.  Too many backup files and changes in one directory make for lost edits -a novelist’s nightmare.  This is why I prefer paper.

Here is the real Draft #6, with major changes to the chapter headings, and far cleaner prose, but still two main hero(ine)s :  RealDraft6Creator Friend or Foe Beginnings

ShiraDestinie, 26.9.12014 H.E.

2 thoughts on “Here it is -the Real Draft #6! How (NOT) to Write a Practice Novel, CFoF, Book 1: Beginnings;

  1. Submitting old material -ouch! This, submitted yesterday, was what I thought was a synopsis of my most recent Draft, but is actually a major revision ago! (Book of The Catalyst, i.e., is now Book of Hayat!!)
    😦 Too late.
    Synopsis: “Creator, Friend or Foe? Book One -Beginnings

    by Shira Destinie Jones

    Chapter 1. Before The Beginning/Encounters
    In the moment … Worst place to be; Alone? Why bother to exist?
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    An energy being, the Ancient One, lonely, forces a younger energy being to join him.

    Chapter 2. Cooperation Lost
    Community is one of the key values in our philosophy, because constructively cooperative and fully inclusive community strengthens the ability of every being to reach its full creative and loving potential. -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    The Ancient One insists on running an experiment which the younger considers unethical, leading to his deception and then banishment of the younger being.
    Chapter 3. Light Bearer
    “Just as a catalyst is not the end result, but merely what triggers or brings about the process leading to that result, so light is not the end result, but rather makes it possible to arrive at the goal.” -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    The Ancient lonely, unlocks the parallel universe to which he had bannished the younger, then pressures the younger being, now called The Light Bearer, to help him carry out his ‘sentient-biengs’ experiment.

    Chapter 4. Stages
    Cultivating seed / Cultivating a friendship … Sounding the depths -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”
    They create a universe with Guardians for the galaxies and animals. Disagreements as to how the experiment should be run keep tension muted, displayed visually/ironically.

    Chapter 5. Evolving Creation
    Hold the Creator to account
    For his misbegotten creation
    For his ill-conceived plan
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    The Light Bearer argues for patience, fights the orders given by the Ancient One. Humanity’s intelligence is helped along, despite argument over interference in the experiment, breaking a fundamental rule, and increasingly violent confrontations. Man is modified, monitored, then threatened lightly before a female is created as his companion. A key agreement:

    ”Then we shall take care to intervene as necessary to prevent or correct gross abuses, and instill a code of ethics as they develop. The guardians will help see to it. You have my word, Young Creatrix. Proceed as you wish.”

    ”I am not sure I trust your word, …” and woman, as soon as she is created, falls in love with The Creatrix, instead of the man.

    Chapter 6. How Rage Took Form
    By all of the turmoil, roiling
    By every good thought, turned

    My case shall be heard
    -from “the Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Various guardians argue amongst themselves, pick sides with the Ancient One or the Light Bearer, show contempt or love for humanity after an earth-scorching argument between Creator and Creatrix. Creatrix must decide: risk her destruction and that of the experimental universe for justice. Small tendril of rage begins to form self-awareness.

    Chapter 7. Eternal Love (thought I’d changed this chptr name)
    Quiero hacerte temblar
    Sentir nuestros pechos juntos…
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Light Bearer asks woman how she plans to build a world with the first man, getting ideas of children
    and family, shared land, with a mischievous cat in the way. Woman kisses L.B. And is gently put off, for humanity’s own good. Romantic tension begins. Same-sex marriage in community context agreed good, full potential for all children via cooperation. Love-making scene after caution.

    Chapter 8. Mars and Venus
    “My quest, though stopped
    Is not yet done…”
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Man develops, Creator gives orders, LB protective of creation, especially of the First Woman, wary of loving her, as she must marry the man. Rage-monster gains in power. (this is cut out of the novella…)

    Woman explores and names animals and plants with several different words, but man uses his own word for each animal/plant, and yells at woman when she speaks differently. LB wants to protect, hindered by Creator, who insists on observation only.

    Chapter 9. The Bet
    “I play the role You bid, Mourning within
    Each failure, Every loss,
    Despairing, each time I ‘win’”.
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    The Creatrix sends woman on learing quests. Creator insists humans mate immediately. Parting of ways over planned tests of endurance once human population is large enough.
    Marriage ritual used to delay forced procreation.

    Story told to build a sense of cooperation, and gave a power to the oldest women then sad parting.

    Ominous entity watching. Creator growing more impatient as LB works to bring man and woman together gently to avoid worse fate.

    Chapter 10. Expelled
    How I long to climb
    To go up to the mountain
    There to rest, and reflect.
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Creator pissed off, LB fights to prevent rape of woman by man, gives knowledge to woman, who shares with man, causing Creator to expell both into cold area, sending LB into hiding. Ominous rage entity hiding with humans, waiting. Everyone is miserable. Flaming sword = volcano, various guardians are demoted or promoted, first woman is named Hayat, children, misses Creatrix. Hayat starts to create writing, arguments grow over languages and names and stories. First murder, kidnapping, punishment, rape.
    Her guardian began to cry.

    Chapter 11. Thinking of Escapes
    Your place of birth marks you … Whether you like it or not.
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Aclima remembers childhood, longs to go home, to mother Hayat, endures abuse. Hayat refuses to have other children, is finally persuaded by L.B. To save all by having more sons. But on condition of being together w/L.B. At end of Hayat’s life.
    Rage entity openly in charge of city.

    Chapter 12. How Tyrants Fall
    When I arise, trembling,
    It shall be with sword drawn
    To see justice done.
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    City is tyranny, ready to make war on first family. Aclima kills brother.

    Chapter 13. Becoming Artemis
    I will arise, again, to fight … As the light always returns
    So do I, to the strugle. -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Entity stunned, Aclima flees, guardians confused.

    Chapter 14. The Pleasant Drummer
    Put aside your rages, righteous, true
    No more can they help now, only harm
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Guardians negotiate while women run, soldiers pursue, names change. Back West, missing messengers sent to city to reconcile family provoke worry.

    Chapter 15. Discoveries
    Your fury, Father, I feel
    your anger, I know
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Son of first murderer discovers body, orders executions. Back West, first man and woman still trying to have more children, with L.B.’s help. L.B. Intercepting guardian messages to keep Creator from destroying everyone. Destroys rage entity. Creator losing control of his secret.

    Chapter 16. Contention in the Wind
    Let my wings embrace you
    As my arms
    Hold each part of you…
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Guardians arguing, manipulating humans, amassing power.

    Lilith ritual prepared.

    Chapter 17. Heroes and Lies
    “Alas, how few
    True words are heard.”
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Aclima/Artemis and Naamah found after Lilith ritual in city. Allowed to leave as exiles, on pain of death.

    Chapter 18. Home Comings
    “Hold me tightly, gently

    Tell me that all will be well”
    -from “The Book Of The Catalyst Of Illumination”

    Reunion of first mother and daughter, romantic possibilities with Naamah and young man, funerals, leaving to form new community. Lawlessness and mixing among human beings and hybrid guardian offspring leads Ancient Warrior, destroy all:

    “Tell the Light Bearer that I am amenable to allowing the children of her precious first woman to continue, if she insists, through the family of this Reposo, who seems to be the best of the lot. He is the only one who has found my favor, so if she insists on continuing this experiment, it must be with him. If the young Creatrix agrees, then perhaps my compassion will overcome my judgment. Now go.”

    Fin “


  2. A friend likes this novel alot, having critiqued draft #5: “Well, the story will never “date”, for one thing–someone can read this and
    > not necessarily know when it was written. they might know it is based on Old
    > Testament if they are familiar, but they do not have to know in order to
    > enjoy the story. Plus there are cool elements in this story that show how
    > religion in many ways is universal and descended from a common source. The
    > multi-armed goddess and the women decorated in henna, the use of the various
    > languages to nod to our ancestry and give an opinion on masculine and
    > feminine language, thought, etc…plus the dialogue is often quite funny,
    > and all of this breathes life into an ancient story.”

    Liked by 1 person

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